Wednesday.... oh Wednesday. As we approached the hospital we were prepared for not being permitted into the NICU - I mean really, who are we? Birth mom provided us with any contact information we needed if we had any problems getting into the NICU... and guess what? We were permitted in- we walked to baby girls room and.... there she was - so angelic laying there with ALL of her amazing hair!
The nurse, Cassie, was so great getting us introduced to baby girl's room...Bryson interrupted her and said....we are really wanting to hold her... Cassie quickly got baby girl ready for us to hold...and Bryson let me hold her first. I cried - I mean like really really cried - holding my potential daughter - I mean what do you say to this little tiny human who may be your daughter? I am sure I babbled around with words and dropped tears on her little face.
Bryson held baby girl and was overcome with emotion as well - I do believe happy tears did run down her cheeks as well. Holding this tiny human thinking of all the great things that can happen - yet holding our breathe because, well life has its own twists and turns.
The staff was great - let us have a little bit of time baby girl... and then... and then came the revolving door - OT, Speech, Doctor, nurse, G-Tube lessons, hospital case worker, hospital social worker...
And here is where I need to pause....This staff- all of the coordinated efforts supporting this journey ... this staff is amazing. We were authentically welcomed - asked our pronouns - and met with kind hearts and open arms. Each staff member began teaching us about baby girl - numbers on her monitor - the g-tube - the schedule - all the things.
So Wednesday was a crash course via a fire hose of information and emotions. We were holding baby girl. We were holding her and learning. We took notes watching how to do a very slow controlled bottle feed and work the g-tube pieces and parts. We took notes (not sure if any made sense, but it felt right). We snuggled her so hard and continued to whisper how much her birth family loved her and how much we already loved her.
As we were doing this the social worker from the adoption agency was to be at the birth family's home to have them sign over guardianship to us. Well... this social worker is definitely not the most organized individual - which, if you have not picked up on- is critical to this process. Apparently she arrived with papers that needed a witness (and forgot to bring the witness) and needed the papers notarized (and forgot to bring her stamp). There is a lot of trauma occurring here for many people and what is not needed is a disorganized individual who is charged with keeping track of all of this.
Back at the hospital - we left around 7pm, exhausted, in search of food and drink. Things were continuing to line up - yet we just have to wait. The birth family is not able to sign certain papers and then papers that surrender their rights back to back - time must pass. So food and back to the hotel bar we went. We were met with questions from the individuals we had met the nights before at this small quaint space. We said we got to hold her - and next thing we knew a patron was buying us drinks...another patron, 21 years of age, came over and said he was adopted as a child. He thanked us, genuinely thanked us for perusing adoption of this baby girl.
Throughout this day we are texting with birth mom, keeping her in the loop with the trainings we have received and any information we had on end on the adoption process. She was doing the same. In fact, birth mom is still pumping breast milk for baby girl and came to the hospital to drop it off- Bryson met her in the lobby and chatted - giving her the option to not have to come up to baby girl's room if it was too much.
This day we felt like we entered the place where we let down our guard to let all the emotions of this baby girl's life in...still not certain because, again, life takes twists and turns. There was no wavering from the birth family - yet we are very aware (as our agency helped us remember) that there are moments and final moments .... we had not reached the final moment yet.